When you’re going through a divorce, it’s easy to get caught up in the “fight.” But for most people, that’s not the right solution. Instead, most people are happier with the final outcome when they’re able to negotiate and reach agreements on their own rather than forcing a judge to decide.
That requires negotiation between you and your spouse, though. You’ll have to look at divorce as a give-and-take process.
Here’s how.
3 Negotiation Tips You Can Use During Divorce
Check out these three tips that make negotiating with your soon-to-be ex-spouse easier:
- Control your own emotions
- Focus on the problem, not the person
- Be reasonable
#1. Control your own emotions.
Letting your emotions get the better of you during divorce can be a huge mistake. Because your emotions can cloud your judgment and prevent you from making the best possible decisions, it’s absolutely essential that you check them at the door when you’re trying to negotiate with your ex-spouse.
You, like many people, may just want to get back at your ex for the things he or she has done wrong – but divorce isn’t the time to do that. What you’re trying to do during divorce is get the best possible outcome for yourself, and when you try to use the process for revenge, it’s more than likely going to backfire on you.
Don’t think about the things you don’t want your ex to get from the divorce – only think about the things you want for yourself and your children.
Related: Ground rules for negotiation in divorce
#2. Focus on the problem, not the person.
Sure, you’re mad at your ex. Most of us are when we divorce. But if you focus on how terrible he or she is, you’re not going to be able to solve the issues you have to solve during divorce. Things like child custody, for example, are difficult to agree on when all you can see is the way you feel about your spouse.
Related: Should you cooperate with your ex during divorce?
#3. Be reasonable.
We’re not going to sugar-coat it: It’s pretty unreasonable for you to want the house, 75 percent of your spouse’s income each month as spousal maintenance, the family dogs, both cars, all your spouse’s retirement account and your family savings, plus full custody with your spouse only getting supervised visitation every other week for an hour. A judge won’t order those things, even if you both agree to them, because the judge’s job is to make sure the settlement you reach is fair to everyone involved (including your children).
Be reasonable in what you expect to take from your divorce – otherwise, you’re going to be seriously disappointed. Know that the judge will only approve a fair settlement and recognize that like you, your spouse is just trying to get out of this with his or her head above water.
Do You Need to Talk to a Lawyer About Divorce?
If you need to talk to a Milwaukee divorce lawyer, we’re here for you. Call us at 414-383-6700 to discuss your case with an experienced attorney in a free consultation. We’ll answer your questions and help get you started on the right path to a successful divorce – one in which you’re able to negotiate with your spouse to get the best possible outcome.
